are you feeling "good", "bad," or "fine"?
SAT vocab lesson: emotions version (just kidding. what's with all these nerd jokes lately?)
good morning!
it’s another monday, another week. so… how are you doing this morning?
if in your head you just said, “i’m fine” or “good” then - congrats, that’s most of us! it’s not our fault though — it’s how we’ve been trained.
often, a friend asks me, “how are you?” and 90% of the time I say, “i’m good.” now, it’s not to say this vague response to the question isn’t useful — it’s the easiest and likely best response to a coworker i don’t know well, or the cashier person. since this relationship isn’t a close one, there’s a sense of politeness and distance to my response that indeed facilitates a smooth interaction.
beyond “fine” “good” and “ok”
however, what if it’s a close friend who asks me? a lover? a sibling?
now, respond with the usual responses might not work so well. being able to identify a specific emotion can truly help facilitate more connection with people you actually care about and want authentic closeness with. it also is a way to bring more connection with — you know it — yourself.
imagine that the image below is how you feel. a loved one asks “how are you?” and you show them this picture (”i’m fine”)
they’ll get a vague sense of what’s going on. they get the general picture, but there’s still a cloudiness here. they also might wrongly assume that you’re really feeling a different way, since there’s so many ways that the imagery could be interpreted.
now, what if you responded with: “i feel excited and energized! 😃” or “i’m feeling irritated and frustrated 😤” or “i’m feeling disheartened and tired 😔” - suddenly you can see your inner, emotional world with a lot more color and dimension. beautiful!
that’s cool but… what’s the point?
yes, pretty colors! but it’s more than just that... 🤔
when you can clearly identify your emotions, the unpleasant ones don’t seem so scary, and the pleasant ones become even more awesome.
Really. Try it for yourself. Ask yourself again: how do i feel?
here’s a more nuanced version of the emotions above:
Looking at this more nuanced mood chart:
You must investigate your emotions in the same way a painter may be forced to determine color for their artwork.
You use your analytical brain (vs your emotional, intuitive brain) to match your inner feelings to the chart - creating a bit of grounding to what’s happening.
If you’re feeling an unpleasant emotion, you’ll get a sense of balance as the emotion isn’t just “bad”, ambiguous, and unsolveable; it’s a specific, momentary emotion that you can reflect on and take action with it. (➡️ love this - what to do with emotions)
If you’re feeling a pleasant emotion, you’ll get a drop of gratitude as the emotion isn’t just “good” - there’s a further recognition that it’s more than good!
if you like this idea, and want to practice it day-to-day, i’m loving the app How We Feel, which won an Apple App Awards this year (I plugged it before, but… it’s that good!).
i hope this is some nice food for thought as you begin the week, and begin on this week’s little rollercoaster of work, life and moods.
with so much love and tropical fruit,
kat
p.s. talked about mood boosters and sparks of joy a couple weeks ago - we picked up this little guy from a market stall, and i’m absolutely in love. i bring him with me to work. and, the fresh fruit also always helps. 😊
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